Thursday, August 06, 2009

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes ...

I've been all about changes lately. My desire to delve back into a community that I miss is only one of those changes.

You see, about two months ago, I was laid-off from my employer of 9 1/2 years; from an industry that I have worked in for 20+ years. The thing is, I wasn't overly distraught about the fact. I was very, and I mean very, briefly upset because I thought, "holy fuck, how are we going to make it?" That lasted about 2 hours and then I was okay with it. Unemployment benefits while I am looking for/deciding on a new career, almost cover what I was left with after paying for childcare expenses, gas and lunches. In fact, I'm saving money because I don't have to pay daycare expenses for an additional child for the summer.

The lay-off allowed me to take my first real vacation in 10 years. The girls and I went with my parents to Tennessee and spent 10 glorious days lakefront with nothing but water and the surrounding mountain range. The time spent there is what cemented my desire, my need, to get back into the pagan community. I don't know what it was about the mountainside, or the lake, that made me miss it so much. But it did.

This was my view every morning as I sat outside while everyone bustled around. It had a calming effect on me. During those mornings, I thought about the things that I want to do with my life. I made a promise to myself that I won't go back into the workforce as a mindless drone, answering to people who have no interest in anything other than what I can do to make them money. My previous boss, for lack of a better word, was interested in my photography talents but was unwilling to pay anything additional for my services beyond my regular wage. He wanted me to photograph things during our normal working hours for the company that I worked for.

I've wanted to start my own photography business since my pregnancy with Sage, and have taken the first steps in doing so. I've photographed a few babies and a christening. I've made arrangements with one of my boys football coach to not only shoot all of the JV football games that he will be playing in, but the Varsity games as well. I'm starting slowly and with what I am comfortable with and will build from there.

It's part of changing, and growing. Actually becoming the person that I want to be instead of only thinking of the person that I want to be.


Anonymous Amy @ Dear Mazzy said...

Good for you! "A time for every purpose..." It sounds like it's time for you!

7:15 PM  

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